My Feelings finally unleashed.
When we first met, we instantly clicked. You let me in so easily, when you Don’t like letting people into your world. Within the first day, you had me spilling my guts to you. I NEVER do that. A week later, you asked me out. I was So happy. About a week in a half went by„ and i was beginning to doubt my feelings for you, It just didn’t feel right. I talked to Lil Fro about it and he told me to just give it another week and if i still felt the same.. then break up with you. I took his advice, and I ended up beginning to fall for the most amazing person I have ever known. I couldn’t get enough of you. I Ended up beginning to love Cross Country because you make it sound like the best thing in the world, and it pretty much is. We were together 24/7 and I was absolutely happy. Things continued going good until around the beginning of December … you were beginning to act distant. I’d often find that we weren’t holding hands as much.. you wouldn’t kiss me as much.. you looked bothered by something. It hurt so bad because I didn’t know how to help. December 4th… I woke up early to go hang out with you before the play.
All day you seemed bothered by me.. and when you didn’t seem bothered, you seemed upset about something. 7 o’clock. I had to come home early because you weren’t feeling good. You brought me home and I asked if you would help me with a few math problems, you didn’t budge. You told that you weren’t feel good and you just wanted to go to bed, I was okay with that.
7:21. I was getting out of the car when you asked me if we could talk. My Heart Stopped. I thought about running out of the car pretending I didn’t hear you. Instead, I swallowed my heart and asked if I did anything, If you were mad. You told me No. Then I said Chuckling “Haha You’re not breaking up with me and are you?” I looked at you. you looked down.
“I’m Sorry.”
My heart sank. I never expected this.. I tried to fight the tears. But instead, they got the best of me. so I just looked forward, I didn’t want you to see me cry. I asked again, My voice shaking and quivering, “Did I do anything, Was it something I said?” You told me you just weren’t feeling it anymore. It just wasn’t working. you still wanted to be friends though. You told me you were sorry. i told you it was alright. I didn’t tell the truth. then again, who would?
I got out of the car.. I couldn’t take anymore. I was beginning to tear up more. I didn’t want you to see me cry.
I dried my eyes and i tried gaining enough composure to make it to the bathroom without my parents noticing that I wasn’t alright. When i got into the house i faked a smile and my mom asked for her debit card. The debit card was on your dresser. I called you and asked you for it and when you arrived I walked outside. I tried acting like it was fine. It didn’t work because i started tearing up again when I was 2 feet from your car. after getting the stuff, I asked again if it was my fault. You just leaned over and gave me a hug. you told me it wasn’t .. i hugged you tight not wanting to ever let go. I thought this would be the last hug i would get.
I walked back in the house after cleaning up my act. I walked to the bathroom. and i silently broke down. my heart was torn from my chest. I went over everything.. thinking about everytime I did something that would lead you to this. You didn’t cry when we broke up. not that i saw anyways. I lost a part of my heart, and I still haven’t gotten it back. All I could do was sit on the computer. I posted a lot on Facebook, and you thought I was becoming obsessed. I was just torn up and heartbroken. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. the computer was the only one around.
The next day was one of the longest, hardest days of school. I was pretty much a zombie. I just sat in class, trying to get over it.
Remember that one time when I told you that crying makes me feel better?
Well, I hate crying now.
I held composure for the most part.. until I was on my way to second period. You acted like you didn’t see me. I think it hit me then and there that this was really happening. I started to break down unintentionally in the middle of the hall. Everyone noticed when I got into choir, so I just faked a smile .. I told them I was fine. I got you to come to my choir concert that night. Haha you saw a “GREAT” Performance. lol We messed up so much. (:
I ended up having to interview you for a paper, and when i took it back in„ she told me that i needed to interview you again. This time, In Depth. You thought I was making excuses to see you. In a way, i was. But at the same time, I wasn’t. I am still writing that paper. I was stuck on it for a while, but I have a few more ideas and I’m almost finished with it.. lol.
Then we actually hung out for the first time in a long time, it started with you taking me home. I said I didn’t wanna go home just complaining as usual, But it surprised me when you turned the opposite way of my house. We drove around having fun. i was finally beginning to see a hint of friendship between us. I was happy again.
Things went on, we started hanging out more. Walking around town and being stalked by creepy cars. Later you would begin to tell me about Sam. It hurt, I’m not going to lie. But I listened because I want to help you to be happy again. (:
We were going good for a while, until we kissed. Not once, not twice, but three times. The last time was the best. The first two were just pecks, but the last kiss was much more. It went on for at least 10 seconds. We were sitting on your bed, then as we began kissing, we slowly began leaning back. kissing you felt right. I’ve kissed three guys and you were the exact same at kissing.. but then again, you were the best. After the last slip up, you didn’t feel comfortable hanging out with me.
You told me the more you saw me, the more you just wanted to hug and kiss me. I told you that I would back off. I Tried So Fucking Hard. But trying didn’t change a thing. I needed you around. You made me feel completely happy. Then I began to realize, you didn’t want me around at all. You just put up with me.
Thinking about it. I don’t understand why you lied to me. You told me that you were just unhappy with yourself. I tried so fucking hard to make you happy. But what I didn’t understand was, you weren’t happy with me. But you didn’t have the juevos to tell me. You Led Me On For 5 Months. FIVE MONTHS. I thought you were the best person in the world. I followed you around like a puppy,worshiping your every step.
# I Now Have The BALLS To Tell You. You Are A Filthy Liar. I Hope You Are Happy With Her. Because Me And Your Ex Are Now BEST Friends. Love ya. K-bye.
<3
